Avoidance coping

 When someone is being hurtful to you, they are the one actually experiencing some kind of hurt.

 So whatever they say is a reflection of what is going on inside of them. It has NOTHING to do with you.

You need to learn to dissociate from that person, knowing that what they say isn't YOUR reality, but theirs.

I for one take things personally and too deeply. I feel like people know the exact thing to do to hurt me.

But now I'm learning to be complete with those hurtful comments and smirks and doubts. Knowing that what they say isn't MY reality.

I am solely responsible for my own feeling. I can only change myself and how I react to those around me. I shall no longer wish people behave differently because that is just wishful thinking.

Today, I learned that I tend to resolve to "avoidance coping" mechanism. And just shut down completely sometimes.

So  the challenge I want to overcome today is to stop withdrawing myself from uncomfortable situation.

Nadhirah

I am perfect just the way I am and I accept my flaws as the beauty of life.

#bringitown

#healingjourney

She walked away in silence

And there she was
Sat on the stone by the lakeside
Her mind wandered through the depth of the sky
Lost in thoughts
Counting every memory that came flashing by

She opened up her chest
Letting herself to feel vulnerable
And pain
That kissed every fibre of her being

She closed her eyes
Took a deep breath and hold it for a little while
Feeling the air that encompassed her lungs
And let it out with a heavy sighs

Of questions that are yet to be answered

Of meanings that are yet to be defined

Of  walks and paths that crossed and halted

She walked away in silence

New job, new phase of life ^^

Its almost 2 months now since I started working. Alhamdulillah it is better than I expected. It is challenging but I always say the challenges are like a barrier that you have to go over. NOT a stopping wall.

To be honest, I love my job.

But,

Strange.

It is bizarre that other people have so much opinion in my life decision. I have many occasion whereby others told me.. or usually IMPLY that ooohhh. its better than not having a job at all.

Excuse me.

I freaking love my job.

Obviously, I didn't say it to their face (like they did to me?!) XD

But I learn to ignore things. I mean, you can never expect people to stahp talking right?

I am trying not to feel so personally attacked by all these remarks. It won't get me anywhere.

Please, I am just beginning to transitioning into a new phase of life. I still have so many questions. About my future, about the world, and even about myself.

I am still trying to figure out what kind of person I am.

I am still trying to love myself because if I don't, nobody will.

I am still trying not to beat myself up every single time I messed up.

The world need to spread more love, happiness and positivity.

Until next time, keep me in your prayers.

I just need to say this..

And today, again, after so many months
I was reminded of you
No, I was reminded of my feelings for you.

I never ever want to remember how you smile, and talk
or how you sat quietly in the corner of that room

Ahh.. That beautiful heart of yours
And now that I remembered how deep was my feelings for you,
I broke into tears
But, somehow it build my soul.

It was bizarre that we can actually push the thoughts of someone,
somewhere, in the most secluded corner of your mind.

You never actually forget.
It was just buried under the surface.

But, I have never regretted it
Not once
And today, I was reminded of what a person I am.

I love hard
I care deep
And I stay true to myself

It's okay. I am okay. It was just never mean to be.
I have been so strong for the past year
But today somehow, I decided to break down
And cry

I hope you will be blessed with a beautiful life

I will adore you from the distance
once or twice again
in a lifetime

Nasheed - Ya Ilahi

في ليلة من الليالي

في ليلة من الليالي .. لست أدري ما اعتراني
ظلمةٌ تغمرني يا رب
الأرض ضاقت والسماء .. وقلبي ما عرف الضياء
والدمع بات يبكي يا إلهي
عصيت والذنب كبير .. وإني في حزني أسير
مقيد بالذنب يا رب
فهل يستحق يا .. إلهي العفو مجرماً
مقرٌّ بالذنوب يا إلهي
أنت الذي خلقتني ... رحمتني ورزقتني
دوماً يا رب قد كنت معي
لكنني نأيت عنك .. نسيت ما قد كان لك
وسرت في طريقي يا إلهي
واليوم يا رب أعود .. من ظلمة خلف الحدود
فالقلب منكسر وطرفي حائر
وأنا الغريق فلا أرى .. إلا سواك لي منقذاً
لا منجى ولا منجى إلا أنت
يا إلهي

Still...

I do. I still do

Another day when all the memories comes flashing back again

Dear ex best friend,

Why do I love you too deep?

Why do I care so much about you even until now?

Why can't I just forget you?

but..

why can't we be like how we used to be...

Because we were both scarred and scared. We left each other. We decided one day we are going to be only in the memories of each other. In the past. Not in the present nor the future. We decided that.

I still cry when thinking about you.

And you sometimes still coming back in my dream.


I wish the day I met you was the day I walked far far away from you. I wish I never get to be close to you and hurt you and felt hurt by the thing you did which weren't meant to hurt me. I wonder why our story was written this way. Why it is possible to end a friendship?

I have suffered from heartache. I didnt blame you. It was all written.

This is one of the most painful thing that has happened in my life. I freaking hurt so bad and I hated it. I know I am going to come out stronger. I know I will.

But I am not sure if I really wanted this feeling to go away. It is the only thing that reminds me I can love someone so deeply, care for someone so much and it reminds me I still have that little bit of humanity left in my gut. I only hated the pain its causing me.

I guess I just have to deal with it.

Dear aching heart, you will heal.

Inn sha Allah