Dear readers,

Assalamualaikum dear readers.

I don't know why but currently I am having butterflies flying around my stomach.

I am currently in a very strange situation. Too much emotions, feelings and thoughts. I felt a little overwhelmed by everything that is going on in my mind and my heart. I  don't know how this very small heart could contain so much.

Have you ever felt like you are the most worthless person on earth? You felt so terrible about yourself. Like you've wronged so many people and hurt so many hearts? I am feeling that now. It is too much to bear for a sinner like me.

I wish I could be a little better. A little wiser.

Dear readers,

How is it possible to feel so much pain when there is no physical wound?

Or is it really pain?

Is it not a longing for something?

Something pure. Soothing. Calming. Assuring.

Am I actually longing for God?

Yes yes. I think I am.

Dear readers,

I am desperately longing for reassurance.

I need to know whether I am doing the right thing in life. I need to know I am doing the right thing, the right way. I need to know I am doing good.

If I am not then I need to know which is the right thing to do, and what is the right may to do it.

Dear readers,

Sometimes when I reflect upon my life and my journey, I began to question my purpose of being in this world.

Who am I? Who was I? What will I be?

I want to make changes. Will I be a scientist who will change people's life? Will I be a teacher who will change people's mind?

But all those are questions of the future. I want to to question my presence at present.

Being a very busy lady, a biomedical science student, a committee of USIC, a member of various other organisations. I felt like I am continuing to feel a little less of me.

If this is a current pursue of understanding myself to understand my Creator,

I don't feel like I know myself anymore.

I don't feel like I know why I am doing whatever I am doing now.


Can I,

For once,

just.be.me